no cravings…well, one

I’m doing great today.  I woke up and said, “I won’t drink today.”  I reminded myself of that a few times.  I made sure to have a granola bar before a meeting because I didn’t know how long it would go.  Throughout the day, right as I was about to hit an intense stretch of attention, something would remind me to refill my water bottle or have a couple of almonds.

Then, one of my colleagues started talking about how she’s been drinking wine at night to get sleepy.  Then she joked that she was drinking too much, talked about a bottle of cabernet she had at home…and I started picturing her drinking then I pictured me drinking.  Then I thought, “I should drink wine tonight too.”  Then I just had to cut that shit out.  I played the tape and pictured myself waking up late, groggy and rushing to work.  I just don’t want to deal with that.

I’m super tired.  Off to bed, I haven’t had one of my wild scary dreams for about a week now.  Last night I dreamt that I was getting my nails done with red sparkle polish – maybe it’s time for a manicure.


For the past two nights I have slept well.  It’s a relief.  Thankfully, and fingers still crossed, I’ve fallen asleep fairly easily and stayed asleep.  In contrast, during most of Oct. and Nov., I was waking up throughout the night and having wild and scary dreams.  I’ve still had some odd dreams, but I wake up thinking how curious they were.  The other night I dreamed that I was on a large boat and all kinds of animals were coming to the surface for me to pet them, even elephants.  Who knew elephants could swim?

I thought about drinking sometime around noon today.  But then I just kept working, had a snack, ate my lunch, picked up some amazing food from a middle eastern place and went home.  I think doubling up on the vitamins has been a big help.  I still haven’t gone to the grocery store, I really feel like I should avoid it.  I’d rather make do with the food I have on hand than risk buying wine.  Maybe I should move to a state that upholds separation of grocery and booze.

That’s it for today.  Easy does it and keep going.