I am abstaining from alcohol for the month of August. So, the letter for the month is…A!
Join me on my journey as I use the blogosphere to address a major dysfunction in my life and try to set it right.
I am a 34 year old woman who has been drinking way too heavily for the past several years and wasn’t a “responsible” drinker before that. I began exploring my relationship with alcohol a few years ago and the more I read and learn, the more I know I can’t keep going like this. But I have so much shame and guilt attached to this issue that I’ve convinced myself I can’t talk to anyone about it because they can’t know this about me. I even see a counselor every other week and I haven’t discussed it with her because I don’t want to disappoint her! How ridiculous is that!? I know all the reasons to quit drinking, I’ve made the list several times. But I want to try and better figure out why I need to drink at all, I need to make some confessions, and I need to stick to my plan for August. I know the only way I’ll stick to this is to create some accountability for myself and to blog daily.
I’ve finally decided to try blogging because it has been a tremendous help and inspiration for me to read blogs of people who are in very similar life circumstances.
I didn’t drink in August. But when September 1 hit, it was all over. Right back to it. I realized after about 12 days that I was miserable. I did not want to drink anymore, it sucks, its not fun anymore. I recommitted, made some new plans, made it 1 day and then I drank again. I physically feel awful today (sept. 17) but I really understand how serious this is. I am working to intentionally think about how good I felt in August and use that as my motivation to not drink for the rest of September. I don’t want to beat myself up and return to the cycle of guilt and penance. I want to move forward, improve myself long term and stop drinking forever.