About Me

I am abstaining from alcohol for the month of August.  So, the letter for the month is…A!

Join me on my journey as I use the blogosphere to address a major dysfunction in my life and try to set it right.
I am a 34 year old woman who has been drinking way too heavily for the past several years and wasn’t a “responsible” drinker before that.  I began exploring my relationship with alcohol a few years ago and the more I read and learn, the more I know I can’t keep going like this.  But I have so much shame and guilt attached to this issue that I’ve convinced myself I can’t talk to anyone about it because they can’t know this about me.  I even see a counselor every other week and I haven’t discussed it with her because I don’t want to disappoint her!  How ridiculous is that!?  I know all the reasons to quit drinking, I’ve made the list several times.  But I want to try and better figure out why I need to drink at all, I need to make some confessions, and I need to stick to my plan for August.  I know the only way I’ll stick to this is to create some accountability for myself and to blog daily.

I’ve finally decided to try blogging because it has been a tremendous help and inspiration for me to read blogs of people who are in very similar life circumstances.

**Update**

I didn’t drink in August.  But when September 1 hit, it was all over.  Right back to it.  I realized after about 12 days that I was miserable.  I did not want to drink anymore, it sucks, its not fun anymore.  I recommitted, made some new plans, made it 1 day and then I drank again.  I physically feel awful today (sept. 17) but I really understand how serious this is.  I am working to intentionally think about how good I felt in August and use that as my motivation to not drink for the rest of September.  I don’t want to beat myself up and return to the cycle of guilt and penance.  I want to move forward, improve myself long term and stop drinking forever.

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “About Me

    • Thank you. I read your comment during the middle of the day, when I was trying to escape some of the work chaos, and it calmed me, reminded me of this commitment I have made and reminded me how warm and gooey it feels when just one person tells you they support you with no ulterior motives. We have the ability to create alot of support for each other.

  1. Thank you for the honest update. I am on week seven and this is a good reminder of why I need to keep on keeping on. Loved the movie idea as well. I have added you to my blog list and look forward to getting to know you. csmissy

  2. Just found you. Mind if I follow? BTW … I think you are an excellent writer. I appreciate these early recovery blogs. My words are archived in a written journal.Maybe I’ll take them out someday. For now I will be content to journey via cyberspace with you. Don’t give up! You’re worth it!

    • Hi Lisa,
      Thanks for the compliment! English was always my favorite subject as well as writing so I’m glad it comes through.
      I am so glad you found me because now I have found you and I can’t wait to pour through your blog! I’ll get started tonight, since I’m not drinking and this blog world is a great distraction when I need it to be!
      -Suzy

  3. I can relate so much to this!…the quitting for 30 days, the shame, feeling afraid to tell anyone how bad it had gotten, even keeping it from my counselor. I’d say the similarities are eerie, but I’ve heard it from other women too. I’m so glad you’re blogging and I look forward to hearing more from you.

  4. Darn, I wrote a big response and have yet to get the hang of all the technicalities.
    I wanted to chime in that for me, letting others know about my alcoholism (even that word took a very long time to say) meant that I could no longer drink around them.
    I have a little over a year sober, and this is only because I became desperate enough to accept that in my case; to drink is to die.
    In fact, just yesterday,after all this time, I finally told my one good friend(who is not an alcoholic) all the details of my drug and alcohol use. I had held out because if I told her, it would forever extinguish my ability to drink in front of her. But now I don’t care. I have finally accepted that I cannot drink safely. I can choose to drink, but it will always end in sorrow.
    I wish you peace.

    Catherine

Your perspective is welcomed:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s