there was a huge party

I let life get the better of my goal to post everyday during December.

On Thursday, I was just exhausted.  It was a good exhausted because I love this job I started in October.  But all I could do was come home, lay on the couch, watch a show and go to bed.  I should have forced myself to just a short post, but I gave into the laziness I needed to recover from the day.

So, there was this huge holiday party for my organization last night and I drank.  It’s okay, nothing bad happended, I had 3 glasses of wine and they were pouring a proper glass, and I know I’m still not a normal drinker because of the effort it took to stop after 3.  But I would like to share the situation.

One of my closest friends was coming as my guest.  She knows that I’m not drinking in December but not the whole story as to why.  I went to pick her up and told her that I really wanted to have a glass of wine at the party.  We talked about it a little bit and agreed that she would keep and eye on me and I would not drink too much.  I think the main reason that I was able to drink safely last night was because there was someone there who knew and was supporting me.  That is not normally the case.  I’m not saying that I can now drink normally if I have a friend with me.  It just happened to work out fine last night.  But, I also noticed that there were alot of people not drinking at all.  I noticed that there were a couple of people who were totally drunk and are going to feel really bad about it come Monday.  Also, the food was amazing and I spread my drinks out.  And I still know it’s not normal to put that amount of effort into controlled drinking.

There is a SMART recovery meeting on Friday evenings not too far from me.  I’ve been thinking of going.  It would be one of those huge scary things that probably turns out just fine.  I think Friday would be the perfect night to go to a meeting and acknowledge the success of not drinking during the week while building back up the strength to not cave in on the weekend.

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5 thoughts on “there was a huge party

  1. Way to go girl! It just sounds so much like me as you are preparing to be done :)! I think a group is so good to be involved in. It is so reassuring to be in a room with people who have been right where u r and they want u to succeed! Have great weekend! Cheering u on!!:)

  2. It’s good that you can realise that one ok drinking experience doesn’t mean all is fixed and acknowledge the effort it takes to drink moderately. I don’t know about you, but I know for me a break IS sometimes followed by a night, or even two, of ‘moderate’ drinking – but, and here’s the problem, it all goes quickly downhill from there. And lately a break is more often followed by a period of heavy binge drinking.

    I’d say, here’s the thing.. you’ve broken that seal on ‘not drinking in December’ as it were so, if you’re anything like me, it’ll be all the easier to drink the next time temptation arises. In a way I think those times that ‘nothing bad happens’ are actually the most dangerous because they trick our brains into thinking it’s ‘no big deal’. We all know it’s the BAD drinking experiences that motivate us to quit. And that next BAD time could be just around the corner.

    Watch what happens next and be really aware of your feelings and actions – and blog them here. Will you be able to get right back on the wagon? Are the cravings stronger? Will you go nuts the next time you drink? How will you feel after if you do? Was it worth it? Did you really enjoy those 3 drinks? Or did you just mainly feel guilty about drinking?

    I’m not really trying to make any specific point here, just offering support to keep being aware and honest and open and posting about your drinking and how it makes you feel. I’m here for you either way.

    Oh, and the SMART meeting sounds great! I went to one and it was ‘one of those scary things that turned out to not be so bad’. Unfortunately, the particular group I went to was all wrong for me (mainly heroin users/court ordered DUIs) but that was just that particular time and place on reflection. I think the program has a lot of merit and great if you can find a good group. And, yes, Friday night would be an ideal time for all the reasons you said.

    Hugs,

    Lilly

  3. Hi, I read this post yesterday and really needed to think before replying. I must say I was surprised to hear you having a few drinks so early into the month you planned to be abstinent in. Where did your thought processes prior to 1 December go? In no way am I judging, and I not even disappointed, because we’ve all been there, but it does highlight how difficult this issue of alcohol is for you (and again all of us).

    Being tired is a very common trigger for drinking. It’s very important you look at how you are feeling when you want a drink. Am I hungry? Am I angry? Am I lonely? Am I tired?

    Having one relatively safe night can simply mask the risks of what might happen in the future. Since that night, have you been thinking about how safely you might be able to continue drinking or the negative effects of alcohol as say outline in Jason vales book? If its the former you think about, and if you want to go to SMART so that you might be able to continue to drink then think about how that reconciles with your thought processes at the end of November.

    I’ll admit I’m not a fan of moderation. It requires an absurd amount of control and is a big tease. I can’t see how people avoid giving in to the big tease. Even in the five months or so that ive been blogging, i can probably think of a half dozen people who thought modertation would work out but then found otherwise. sometimes it takes multiple goes.

    Having said that, it is your life and I’m glad you are really looking at your options. And you know we are all there for you, so take care and keep at it, Paul.

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