right now

What am I thinking and feeling right now?  This is the first time today that I have really tuned in to myself.  I often tune into sensory experiences, like today when I walked outside and inhaled the fresh cool air of the morning.  I love late fall mornings.  But that’s not really taking the time to tune into myself.

Right now, I’m tired but I can feel it.  When I’m drinking, I can’t feel the heaviness of my limbs in the late evening.  I’m calm.  My mind is not racing.  I’m feeling neutral.  I’m not in agony over anything big or small.  I don’t feel any guilt about anything from today or recently.  I don’t feel anxious about anything, but there are also a few things I’m purposely ignoring because I know they will cause anxiety.  I’m just a little sad or lonely, not sure which one, but I’ll feel better when I get into my comfy bed and keep reading “The Age of Miracles”.  The character in the book also feels alot of loneliness that I can identify with as an adolescent and as an adult but I find the book comforting.  I’m grateful that I didn’t drink today.  I could have.  I want to drink but I don’t want to deal with ANY of the other crap that comes with it.  So I sip on my ginger beer and that is a consequence-free drink, so I’ll stick with it.


6 thoughts on “right now

  1. Hey Abstaining:
    I’m enjoying my Ginger Beer as well…I have been thinking a lot about what is a normal way to drink, and I have decided that even 6 oz of wine will make me feel bad the next day…and the crap that goes along with it gets balled up exponentially – So, I’m with you, I don’t want any of the crap that goes with it.
    Sounds like you had a good day, good or bad we ARE sober!

  2. ‘Consequence-free’ drink, ha, I like it, she says as she sips on her soda and lime with a splash of pomegranate juice.

    I totally relate to the anxiety stuff too, btw. I think they’re a big part of why I drink, but they just make the problem worse. I’ve been meaning to post a bit about that – and include a great link a friend sent me the other day – but in the meantime have you found the ‘Anxiety Guru’ site? If not, just google that phrase – lots of interesting stuff about link between alcohol and anxiety.

    Right. Work is nutso so I might be scare the next few days but I’m here in spirit sober sisters!

    Rocking on to a week and beyond we go!

    Lilly x

  3. Oh, man, that is the ONE main reason that keeps me sober, 8 weeks in. I Just Don’t Know what will happen. And, I hate wanting the next drink–I know that “want” won’t go away, no matter how much I drink after the first glass or two. So, congrats on settling in and starting to notice the calm–wonderful! xx

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