I’m here…

I’m here.  I’m hanging in.  I’ve been depressed this weekend but the last two weeks have been pretty good overall.  My parents came to visit, but there was a bit of family drama.  I am the one in my family who is most objective, able to help others compromise and negotiate nicely, able to talk to different parties so that when they talk to each other they have already calmed down and opened up their minds.  My other sister is going through a hard time and I’m coaching her through that as well.

I’ve been drinking here and there over the past two weeks.  I don’t know why.  I’m still adjusting to a new work schedule.  The hours are long, but I’m very happy with this job and hope that it is a place I can spend the next 5-10 years.  After three weeks, I think its time to stop giving myself a pass and start being consistent with the things I want and need to do.  My top priority during this transition was eating healthy and I’ve done really well with that.  Now, I want to work back in a reasonable exercise schedule.  I don’t know why I can’t/won’t just stop drinking like I did in August.  It’s so true what everyone says, no one cares if I drink or not.  Most of my friends have moved beyond the partying phase, as have I, and we don’t need alcohol in order to have a reason to see each other.  I’m sure my family would rather me not drink.  I know I’m not invisible and I’m sure they must have noticed how I drink more than they do but probably think its just for the occasion of us being together since we all live apart now.

I’m glad I’m writing this right now, but it’s hard.  I’m not sure if I’m succeeding or failing.  I’m not sure if things will get better or if this is just how life is.

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4 thoughts on “I’m here…

  1. Glad to hear your still with us..parents and siblings etc must be one of the biggest stressors going. It sounds like your trying weave in a series of positive changes into your life, which is preferable to trying to do everything at once. And you are self aware which is the biggest thing “I not sure why I can’t/don’t stop drinking” you’ll work it out I’m sure. I don’t think you’re failing. A failure is when you stop trying. Cheers and take care, Paul.

  2. Great to see you back here! You’re not stagnant… there are ups and downs, steps in both directions but you are always moving, which means progress.
    I agree with Paul – you’ll work it out x

  3. it always gets better. cuz eventually we take some action and get the ball rolling again. and in your case, you have some pretty stellar recent proof that you CAN feel better (because you did). when you’re ready, you can pick a new start date, commit to posting something every day for 30 (or 60) days, and then just get started. the sober car starts slowly but then it gathers momentum. we’ve all been where you are. you just need to put the car at the top of the hill… and then push off …

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