I’m here. I’m hanging in. I’ve been depressed this weekend but the last two weeks have been pretty good overall. My parents came to visit, but there was a bit of family drama. I am the one in my family who is most objective, able to help others compromise and negotiate nicely, able to talk to different parties so that when they talk to each other they have already calmed down and opened up their minds. My other sister is going through a hard time and I’m coaching her through that as well.
I’ve been drinking here and there over the past two weeks. I don’t know why. I’m still adjusting to a new work schedule. The hours are long, but I’m very happy with this job and hope that it is a place I can spend the next 5-10 years. After three weeks, I think its time to stop giving myself a pass and start being consistent with the things I want and need to do. My top priority during this transition was eating healthy and I’ve done really well with that. Now, I want to work back in a reasonable exercise schedule. I don’t know why I can’t/won’t just stop drinking like I did in August. It’s so true what everyone says, no one cares if I drink or not. Most of my friends have moved beyond the partying phase, as have I, and we don’t need alcohol in order to have a reason to see each other. I’m sure my family would rather me not drink. I know I’m not invisible and I’m sure they must have noticed how I drink more than they do but probably think its just for the occasion of us being together since we all live apart now.
I’m glad I’m writing this right now, but it’s hard. I’m not sure if I’m succeeding or failing. I’m not sure if things will get better or if this is just how life is.