I went to another online meeting. I am trying to work up the gusto to go to one in person. I am fortunate enough to live in a metropolitan area so I have several to choose from.
This evening, the “meeting room” was full so I went to the 24/7 chat at SMART recovery. I was actually nervous! The online meetings have a structure to them, so all I had to do was follow the facilitator and I really just observed (the one yesterday). Tonight it was just a regular chat. I stayed mostly on the sidelines but when I did join in it was welcomed and I felt like I authentically contributed. Then someone asked me a direct question, and I shared the facts. That I did not drink in August and September has been really shaky. I admitted that I was scared to go to a meeting because that would make my problem a “real life” problem. AND THE WORLD KEPT TURNING! People shared some of their own experience, they affirmed my thought that I believe this is in my control, and they were just really cool in general. I hope that these online meetings can be my path to an in person meeting. I can’t pressure myself right now.
The most powerful thing I heard, is that when you have the urge to drink, play a little movie in your head and envision how it will go up to the very end.
Did you just do it? When I did, I felt a little sick because I went all the way to when I wake up tomorrow morning. We all know how that feels, not good at all. That actually shut down the very mild thoughts of drinking that I had today.