Ahhh, today was much better. What a relief. And tomorrow is the day I’ve been waiting for, Day 10. Day 10 is when I will really believe that all the alcohol is out of my system and all the vitamins I’ve been taking have had time to kick in. Tomorrow is the day that I will be at my own personal “reset”. I think of this as the blueprint, the pure version of who we are and who we are meant to be when we strip away the crap. On and after Day 10, my emotions are my emotions, my thoughts are my thoughts, my actions are my actions and Alcohol doesn’t get to receive credit for any of them. They belong to me. I got them back, I fought for them, I went through hell for them – I belong to me.
I didn’t know that’s what was on my mind just now, it flowed out of me as I was thinking about the pretty good day that I had today. I know full well that there is alot of work to be done, but I’m incredibly proud of what has taken place over these 9 days. I woke up feeling good and had a positive outlook all day. I wasn’t exhilarated or anything, just a solid “good”. I took some proactive steps for a possible new job, and whether or not my connection pans out, at least I did it. I was gently honest with a colleague who was out of line this week (not with me b/c confrontations are not my strong point) but I think I helped her. I feel capable and strong today. A close friend texted me to say she was in my neighborhood, but when the next text said another friend was joining her and she just needed to “drink heavily…its been that kind of week”, I said I was running errands and wouldn’t make it back in time. I think I could have managed the situation but didn’t want to put myself at risk. Tomorrow I am going to meet up with co-workers after work and I have already casually/jokingly told them I’d love to join them but won’t be drinking because I’m trying to lose some weight and I don’t need the liquid calories. Oops, I guess that means I’ll have to watch what I eat too. I’ve continued to prepare myself mentally and have imagined everyone ordering a drink and I order a sprite or soda and lime. I’ve been drinking all my fun bubbly drinks in the evening anyway so that will be similar. I know I can do it tomorrow – a couple of people might even bring their children and a few others have a long commute home – so it won’t be a drinking “scene”. I think it should be a safe place to practice not-drinking. Then I can safely drive home, write a post about what it was like to go out and not drink, and wake up on Saturday morning and begin my well-deserved weekend.
I’ve even been planning on making a “resources” page on this blog so that I can have a place to remember the research I’ve done, what is working for me and all the parts and pieces that it has taken to maintain this endeavor. I also need to catch up on some reading and prepare for the next 10 days, least I think it will be easy and get too comfortable in this sober place I’m at right now. This is still a new “relationship” with sober living and I don’t want to make assumptions that it wants to move in with me just because we’ve had a great 10 days together.