Today was fine really. I made it through and was really too busy to think too much about drinking. I’m just now finishing up work, 10:30pm, but I’m pretty sure today is the busiest day this week. I thought about it during some stressful parts of the day and during the big transitions, such as driving to other locations, going to the gym (can’t believe I made it today!) and even parking the car for final time before I was home for good today. Maybe it’s all the choices that come up with transitions. Like, “I’m on my way home but I could swing by the store real quick.” Or, “It will only add on 10 extra minutes to pick up dry cleaning, might as well do it now.” That allows other poor choices to creep in. There have been many times when I was parking my car for the evening and realized I had forgotten to stop by the store for a bottle of wine. I would start that car back up and go get the wine. When I reflect on it, it seems that my true self didn’t want/need the alcohol but my conditioned self wouldn’t let it go and I submitted to it without a second thought.
But back to the post title…I was feeling irritable today. I’m sure lots of people were just acting like idiots and not thinking before they spoke, dominating the conversation, being critical of the job we do, etc. I guess some of it might have been me too (you think?). I just didn’t feel like putting up with it or being my usual diplomatic self. It makes me think – I wonder if I stop keeping this secret about my drinking will there be other elements of my personality that come out? When I stop hiding the secret, will I stop hiding other things too? Or, maybe I’ll just have the courage to be myself and not care so much about what others perceive.
That’s all my brain can get out right now. I can’t wait to spend a few hours catching up on blogs tomorrow!