Wow, I made it through another day. I was in training today (see post “Day 1 – Why I Chose August”) in to put it mildly, it was exhausting and I’m going to have an uncomfortably packed week/month. But, I was so grateful for the comments I received today because I can check them on my phone and they really lifted my spirits and made me think about what I might write about tonight. And if I’m writing this post at 9:00pm then that means I’m not drinking!
I’ve noticed a few little things up to Day 6. I’m not as hot as I usually am, I’ve even turned the air conditioning up a degree and set the blower a bit lower. My chin was always breaking out over the past year and it seems to be clearing up. I did not break out into a sweat this morning while I was getting ready, which I usually do, like menopausal sweats! I’m getting headaches in the afternoon and late evening, but they’re not that bad and any cravings I’ve had have been manageable. I have trouble falling asleep because I can’t turn my thoughts “off”, but I actually remember that was one of the things I liked about drinking…my thoughts just went away and I could fall asleep (or pass out) without any problem.
I look forward to things getting better. I feel better after I write a post. I look forward to a time when I can tell people, “I don’t drink” and have enough sober days/experience to prove it. I wonder if I might want to look into seeing a counselor with an alcohol-specific expertise. I wonder what else I might be able to come to terms with and figure out through this process. I wonder when not drinking will be a choice that I am proud of and comfortable with. Right now it’s still a choice I have alot of fear about…I stopped drinking because I was scared of what I was doing to myself, I started this blog because I was scared I wouldn’t stick to it otherwise, I’m scared to talk about this choice with friends/family and I’m terrified that I might not be able to stick to it.