Day 5 – blah

blah.  tired.  low energy.  feeling sad.  I was really tired today and I felt like I didn’t want to fight against it.  I got the necessities taken care of and couldn’t do much more than that.  It’s not that I want to drink – I mean, part of me does but another part of me is slightly repulsed at the idea of it.  I’m not actively thinking about how much I would like some wine right now, but I’m still not conditioned out of it so there is also a part of me that is saying, “Wait a minute, can you tell me again why am I not drinking?”  I think about how it would be fine to have 1 or 2 drinks, but then again, I haven’t had 1 or 2 drinks for many years now.  Why would I think I will just magically become a normal drinker?  I’m not trying to punish myself, but this is a time to be honest.  The only way I could have two drinks would be to buy that specific amount and then not start drinking until the stores were closed and I wouldn’t have the option to go out an get more.  Then I would feel frustrated after having 2 drinks because I would want just one more, 3 is okay, its the 4th and 5th that are bad.  So, basically what I just said is that I would have to lock myself inside my house in order to drink like a normal person.  Yeah, totally normal, everyone locks themselves up to drink.

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I’m tagging this under “I think I’m funny” because there is some humor in it but the more appropriate tag would be, “I might be a complete lunatic.”  Oh well, I’ve marked up some significant passages in two of the books I’m reading and I hope that tomorrow I’ll be in a more intelligent place to reflect and write.

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5 thoughts on “Day 5 – blah

  1. You are so totally normal in your thinking about thinking you could be a normal drinker! Most of us think that way at some stage. But you cant make the decision about the 3rd glass without the effect on your judgement of the first 2. And thats the killer. After 2 glasses i dont have a brain, I have a big addicted, rebellious party animal in my head saying, of course you deserve another one (or 3 or 4).

  2. and some days, especially early days, the only thing to do is go to bed and wait for it to be tomorrow … and then in the mornings it’s easier to commit to another day 🙂 here you are, it’s day 6 now 🙂

    • yes, the last couple of days have been – 1. write a post, 2. read blogs, 3.cry, 4. feel a little better. Even though I know counting the days can make it seem worse (as Mr. Vale puts it), I feel like I need to right now because I so badly want to make it to 31, Aug.

  3. I was inspired by a blogger this morning who wrote that he even if he could suddenly drink like a normie, he wouldn’t. Sober life has just too many positives to start poisoning himself again. Cool, i want to get where he is.
    I’m really tired, low energy, crying all the time. It does pass. And I too *still* have thoughts i can drink like a normal person. Tried that recently and 2.5 bottles into a drinking session i realised *again* that i can’t. And to be honest, i don’t really want to drink one or two or even three glasses. What’s the freakin point? It’s easier to not drink than it is to have one.
    Having said all that, you’re doing ace!! You’re over halfway to your 10 day goal – 6/10ths in fact. Take courage in the knowledge you are strong x

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