First, I did not drink yesterday and I won’t drink today (but probably will need to do an evening post to get through it). Go me!
Now for the business of the day: I was going to write about how I thought I might have come to this place where I drink everyday in excess and why I do it. I wanted to explore some of the triggers I’ve already identified. But, I was inspired by a post I read on another blog and I have written my thoughts on triggers in my daily journal, so I know I can find them again when I’m ready.
So, this guy who is Facing Facts about Himself, wrote about how the non-drinkers and the sober folks are the true rebels and non-conformists. It just really struck me how true that is. When I go to the baseball game on Friday I will be one of the few without a beer. When I go out to dinner with my friends next week I won’t drink and I may even suggest separate checks so I don’t have to chip in for the wine. When I walked into a small local grocery store yesterday I couldn’t help but notice what a huge portion of the store was devoted to wine and beer, it was bigger than the produce section!
It is truly a rebellious thing to not drink alcohol. I even noticed a bizarre event on an Ellen Show rerun last week. It was one of my “dry” days and I absolutely love this show, but there was a part where her guest brought her a drink to cheers for her birthday. She then pretended she was drinking the entire drink and the crowd wildly cheered her on! They were SO enthusiastic about her simulated BINGE drinking that it was disturbing. I think it’s safe to assume that Ellen was just getting a laugh (and it was funny), but it made me think about how acceptable and encouraged we are to drink in order to party and have fun. If she had been smoking, cutting herself, or even giving a drink to a 21 year old, no one would have been cheering her on for that.
Well, that was kind of a rant. But really, I have always had a very rebellious streak and consider myself a non-conformist. I’m very different from my family members and I have mostly followed my own path. As a teenager I broke alot of rules, spoke my mind, started drinking at a young age, snuck out at night, consistently skipped school, and even had to go to a driving course for speeding – all without my parents finding out! I spent my college years and my 20s doing whatever I wanted, all while moving forward in my career and maintaining a very put together outer shell. I enjoyed getting away with things and now, as and adult, I can see how tremendously lucky I was throughout it all.
But now, no one tells me what to do and “rebelling” just seems stupid, immature and overall arrested development. Seriously, I’m a freakin’ grown woman (even if I don’t feel like one) and I can live my life the way I want to! What I want is peace. What I want is security. What I want is to wake up in the mornings with no regrets. What I want is to go to bed sober each night with my face washed and my teeth brushed. What I want is to be 1,2, and 3 years down the road experiencing this genuine happiness that others write about. It’s time to turn my thinking upside down and view my inner rebel as someone who has won against all the pressures of life and has not succumbed to the glamorization of an alcoholic lifestyle.