All throughout July I read a variety of non-drinking blogs (the ones that have spoken most to me so far are listed to the right) and I read a couple of helpful books (will list those in an upcoming resources section). I saw myself, in some way, in every single one of them (I have a lot of confessions coming down the pipeline!). I started doing 2-3 days off and then I would do 2-3 days on if I felt like it. This was really difficult because during the “on” days, even if I did not have the true desire to drink I had the habit to drink and the compulsion. A few nights ago I began crying as I took my first sip (guzzle) of wine and I said out loud to no one, “I don’t want to do this. I don’t want this life.” But I couldn’t just put the drink down, it was there and it was an “on” night that I had earned by having two “off” nights. I thought about another blogger who is starting back up her 30 days in August and I thought about all those others who are going into their 2nd month and then those who are still writing in the 2nd or 7th year (thank the Universe for them!) and I knew it had to be August.
I really like to plan and prepare for things, but I didn’t give myself much time. However, I’ve been reading about alcoholism and dysfunctional drinking for a couple of years and I am pretty sure that I have about 90% of the information I need already. I have all the vitamins that I researched about in the book Nutritional Healing and from the Dr. Weil and Real Age websites (because for the past year or so I have told myself that if I take all these vitamins then alcohol won’t wreak so much havoc on my body). Today I am going out to get all the delicious fizzy drinks I love but never buy 1.) because they can be a bit expensive and 2.) because they get in the way of my evening wine drinking. So, I’ll stock up on those as well as some snacks to have around. I typically eat healthy but totally have portion control problems. I won’t really worry about that too much though.
And the main reason that I decided to take the plunge for August is my work schedule. I mostly work from home/travel to various sites. However, during the month of August my entire team comes back together for re-training and norming. This means that I go from an extremely autonomous and independent schedule to a highly structured and rigid one for the month. I think that will be good for me because I won’t be making so many choices so I have less of a chance to get overwhelmed and give up (or totally make excuses because “work is so stressful, I have to drink”). From 8am-5pm, I won’t have any choices to make except to put forth my best efforts and knowledge during this training period. Also, I will be with people all day long and I really like my co-workers whereas most of the time I spend ALOT of time solo. I envision myself coming home each day in August, making myself a ginger ale and soda and checking my blog and others as I make it through the evening. The other version is that I go straight to the gym/yoga and then get some yummy carry out for dinner but I’m not going to worry too much about this for August because I know I might be very tired and/or emotional. But it is a part of my normal routine so I will try to keep it in.
Mostly, I am going to be nice to myself. I am going to think about how I would treat my friends if I knew they were doing the same thing I’m doing. I would support them and remind them of what a good person they are, they just need to straighten out this one area and life will be soooo much better.
A is for Abstaining in August but its also for Amiable, Admirable, Adventurous, Altruistic and Able!